


the avengers (when there not saveing the world)

by avalina_hallows



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:15:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28409844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avalina_hallows/pseuds/avalina_hallows
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. rules

1\. Natasha's glares do not kill and both Tony and Clint are not allowed to act as though they do to scare Thor.

2\. Tony is to refrain from calling Bruce names such as the jolly green giant or shrek , these names are not helpful with his anger issues.

3\. Just because Clint's hero name is Hawkeye does not mean he is part bird and tony should stop telling Thor otherwise.

4\. Thor does not own all the pop tarts of earth and he should remember that.

5\. Tony or Clint should not under any circumstances steal Thor's stash of pop tarts.

6\. If Tony or Clint do steal Thor's secret stash of pop tarts they should not lie and say that Loki did it.

7\. Tony should not steal Steve's shield and use it as a snow sled.

8\. Tony is not allowed to bejewel Steve's shields just to see how he will react.

9\. No one is allowed to sick rabid fan girls on any one else under any circumstances.

10\. Tony is not allowed to put up surveillance cameras in fellow avengers rooms or other super hero head quarters with or without their permission in an attempt to start a reality TV show.

11\. No one should comment on Clint running out of arrows while fighting the chitauri.

12\. Loki did not go to the dark side because they had cookies and Tony should stop telling Thor otherwise.

13\. Thor does not like being called goldy locks and Tony should remember that.

14\. Tony should stop trying to get Bruce to go out on blind dates he's not interested and it just makes him think of betty which makes him depressed.

15\. Tony should stop trying to freak out Thor with Jarvis.

16\. Tony should stop trying to steal mjolnir to find out how it works.

17\. No one under any circumstances should make fun of Director Fury's name by asking him things such as fury are you furyious it just ticks him off.

18\. No one should tell fans where fellow avengers live out side headquarters.

19\. Clint's arrows are not toys.

20\. NO PRANK WARS.

21\. Tony is not allowed to try and form an avengers boy band or try to force or bribe anyone of his fellow avengers to go along with it.

22\. Tony is not allowed to strand him self and other avengers or hero's on a deserted island with hidden surveillance cameras in an attempt to make a survival reality show.

23\. Loki is not allowed to obtain an army of rabid fan girls or cats.

24\. Tony is not allowed to use Fenrir as a guard dog

25\. Tony is not allowed to add decal to Steve's suit

26\. Clint is not allowed to snoop on anyone by hiding in the air vents.

27\. Clint is not allowed to hide in the air vents for more then 24 hours.

28\. Natasha is not part spider and Tony and Clint need to stop telling Thor otherwise.

29\. NO ONE should EVER call fury eye patch it is a good way to get shot in the face.

30\. Tony should stop telling spider-man he can join the Avengers and then at the last minute tell him there isn't an opening.

31\. tony should stop setting Natasha up on blind dates with spider-man, they are not compatible and neither of them are amused.

32\. Thor is not allowed to read anything by shake spear.

33\. Steve is not allowed to read any Stony or Stucky fan fictions and tony is not allowed to trick him into it.

34\. Tony is not allowed to blare one direction songs at random intervals throughout the tower to annoy fellow avengers.

35\. Tony is not allowed to book the Hulk for children's birthday parties.

36\. Thor is not allowed to challenge Hulk to see who is stronger.

37\. Tony is not allowed to set Steve and Bucky on dates and he is not allowed to say that they have a legit relationship by using fan fiction as proof.

38\. Bucky does not like being called a cyborg and certain people who know who they are need to remember that.

39\. the quin jet is NOT a toy.

40\. Tony is not allowed to build a panic room and lock everyone in it in an attempt to get all the avengers better acquainted it did not go well the last two times so please just stop the hospital bills are getting to high.

41\. Thor needs to stop trying to buy a horse from random pet shops.

42\. No drinking contests with Steve the guy can't get drunk so stop trying.

43\. No drinking contests with Bruce we do not need a drunk hulk on the loose.

44\. Thor is not allowed to re-watch How to train your dragon or its sequel the last time he did he took it seriously and tried to train one.

45\. Tony is not allowed to send drunk selfies to anyone ever.

46\. The tower is not to be turned into a haunted house at Halloween the last time that happened two people got lost in the tower and weren't found until a week after Halloween.

47\. Thor is not allowed to watch any of the transformers cartoons or movies the last time that happened he started talking to cars and accusing police cars of being Decepticons.

48\. Natasha's widow bites are not toys.

49\. No dance offs.

50\. Thor is not allowed on clever bot the last time he was they had a six hour discussion on the meaning of life and pop tarts.

51\. Tony is not allowed to pour buckets of water on Scarlet Witch to see if she will melt, she is not amused.

52\. Falcon's wings are not toys.

53\. Tony is not allowed to build a giant bird's nest for Hawkeye or Falcon they don't find it funny.

54\. Tony is not allowed to set anyone up for online or speed dating.

55\. Please don't steal Steve's shield for any reason.

56\. The quin jet is not to be taken out for joy rides.

57\. Once again no one is allowed to sick rabid fan girls on anyone.

58\. Tony is not allowed to give tours of the tower to rabid fan girls or anyone for that matter.

59\. Tony is not allowed to let rabid fan girls into the tower and let them go wild.

60\. No one is allowed to set up random pranks through out the tower to see what will happen.1  
61\. Do not call Kurt or Hank stitch.

62\. The school is not Hogwarts and older students should stop trying to convince new students otherwise.

63\. Please don't set Wolverine and Sabertooth up for family counseling the last counselor is still trying to get over what happened last time.

64\. Mystique is not a former member of blue man group.

65\. Who ever it is that keeps playing the song I'm Blue whenever Mystique, Hank or Kurt is around really needs to stop.

66\. Sabertooth does not like balls of yarn or catnip.

67\. As amusing as it is to watch Sabertooth chase around the light from laser pointers it still should not be done.

68\. Do not bribe Sabertooth with pie. ( for anyone who doesn't get this reference in one of the old x-men comics it is stated that sabertooth has a sweet tooth and killed a brother of his for a slice of pie)

69\. Don't call Profesor X Megamind.

70\. Don't ask Magneto about the cape.

71\. Do not challenge Quicksilver to a race.

72\. Do not under any circumstances try to give Sabertooth a manicure and please don't try to clip his nails.

73\. Don't ask storm to change the weather for you.

74\. Don't hide or replace Logan's beer or cigars he will find them and then he will find you. (yeah i'm talking to you quicksilver)

75\. Don't call Sabertooth Nyan Cat.

76\. Don't prank Logan he will find you and he will hurt you just ask quicksilver.

77\. Don't paint Scott's motorcycle pink because if you do you will have both Scott and Logan to answer to.

78\. The Danger Room and Cerebro are not toys.

79\. The X-Jet is not to be used to go to the mall.

80\. No prank wars if you are going to use your powers the danger room is still being fixed and cleaned out from the last mutant prank war.  
81\. Tony is not allowed to redesign his iron man suit to look like Ultron.

82\. If Tony does redesign his suit to look like Ultron he is not allowed too try and scare fellow Avengers with it.

83\. Stop making jokes about cap being against swearing he is old fashioned its just the way he is.

84\. Vision is not J'onn from justice league. ( my dad is always getting those two mixed up)

85\. Vision is worthy to pick up Thor's hammer there is no Science to it so please stop saying otherwise.

86\. Who ever It is that keeps playing the song Kiss The Girl whenever Bruce and Natasha are around each other really needs to stop.

87\. Clint is not the only one who keeps secrets from the rest of the team so stop questioning him about it.

88\. Don't argue with Quicksilver on weather or not he would be faster then the flash.

89\. Wanda will not dress as the wicked witch of the west or any kind of witch for Halloween.

90\. Stop trying to get Thor to say hammer time when ever he uses Mjolnir.

91\. Don't ask Tony who dared him to hack the Pentagon.

92\. Someone who shall not be named needs to stop setting Steve up on blind dates with rabid fan girls.

93\. Stop giving Ultron Snickers bars he is not evil because he is hungry.

94\. Thor is not allowed to watch any more Little Toaster movies, he is still talking to the toaster and the vacuum.

95\. Ok whoever let Thor watch HTTYD2 better come clean because we had a baby dragon taking up residence in the tower because Thor wanted to train it.

96\. Stop stealing Thor's stash of pop tarts.

97\. Just because an elevator can lift Thor's hammer does not make it worthy.

98\. Tony is not allowed to bring any inanimate objects to life.

99\. Scarlet witch and vision are not romantically involved to what we know of.

100\. Don't ask why Hulk was ripping apart Ultron's bots with his teeth he is the Hulk he does stuff like that.


	2. the one time where may yelled many profanities at tony stark

aunt may was not a stupid woman she was also a observent woman so when her nephew started comeing home with brusies and scraps she noticed quickly she also took quick notice of how late he was comeing home and how damange his phone was she never talked about these things keeping them in the back of her head untill she was doing laundery one day and found a blue and red jumpsuit with a spider emblem in his room she took it to the table and waited for him to get back from school and he saw his aunt and his suit in the kitchen soon he cracked and may yells not at him no she drags him the suit her purse to stark tower and slams the door open with peter pleading but she doesnt care at this point and she reachs over the counter and says where in antonthy stark now i dont care i dont have a meeting the desk clert silnetly looks at peter and gives him a apologetic look and hands may a key card an whispers sorry pete she goes to the top floor where tony is siting at his desk and friday had told him that someone on there way up and peter was with them she storms over to the desk and slams the suit on the table saying antonthy stark what is this tony is flabbergasted and says spidermans suit may says indeed my nepehw who is 16 had this i want to know why you think its okay to let him get shot thrown around buildings droped on him trains run over him and fight grown adults with training peter shuffles nerveosly at this and tony says i didnt know his age and i didnt give him powers i gave him a suit to help him surive that stuff may says fine still tony says im sorry what would let peter keep being spiderman may says he can keep doing this as long as he is careful after 1 hour of tony and may talking they left with may one gray hair more


	3. Chapter 3

fuck i fell threw the portal i slowly limp towards the avengers tower yes i could go to miss parker but she would take me to a hospitel and i dont like that beause i dont have id on me and this is a diffrent universe so my best bet is peter b parker who just so happens to be at the avengers head courters greattt i slowly enter and see lucy the desk clerk and say hello lucile may i go up she nods and gives me a pass friday announces avalina hallows портал ningyō level 5 acess granted i sigh and hold my head in my hands at the fact this thing just annoced my full name to a entire building i go to the Elevator and press 99 and wait and when i enter i say peter help me i broke my leg yes i know i could have gone to your aunt but she would have taken me to a hospitel and i dont like thouse and yes i know it will heal soon but id perfer you look at it it hurts more than normal i hear someone say what and enter and standing in front of me is stark i say shut up grab your i make finger quotes intern i need to talk with him he says not untill you tell me who the fuck you are i say you litisen to me and grab his shirt get peter parker and i will tell you everything dont and your head comes with me i let go of his shirt and say i dont have time for your games porn man he goes and comes back with peter i say peter finally thank you my leg i think it broke i can not tell he says come on lets see he lifts the pant leg and says its a sprain you should be fine i say thanks and stark says would you mind telling me who the fuck this woman is and why she threated to take my head off i say okay im ava hallows peter looks like he wants to say you told me your name was avalina i give him a glare and say anythinng else he says how did you meet peter and how did you get here i say (think think peter is a high school student)i met him at midtown during a chemistery class i give a glare to him to say play along he says yes she is in my class he says that does not explain why she threated me i telport over to him and float near him and i start walking around in air and start singing take a look into your imagintan travling in a world of my creations what you see defies explanation take a look my wings start appering as i sing as do my staff and other things he says how are you floating and everything else i step down from the air stairs in full atire and say heh i look amazing correct peter says yeah in shock i say oh right i never explained to you this i say im the puppeter i pull out one of my defult dolls and connect it to my fingers and start messing with it stark says what the fuck i start laughing at this


End file.
